Breaking Free from the Fear of Abandonment
Psalm 27
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?
2 When evil people come to devour me,
when my enemies and foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
3 Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
I will remain confident.
4 The one thing I ask of the Lord—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
5 For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
6 Then I will hold my head high
above my enemies who surround me.
At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
singing and praising the Lord with music.
7 Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
Be merciful and answer me!
8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
9 Do not turn your back on me.
Do not reject your servant in anger.
You have always been my helper.
Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
O God of my salvation!
10 Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.
11 Teach me how to live, O Lord.
Lead me along the right path,
for my enemies are waiting for me.
12 Do not let me fall into their hands.
For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
with every breath they threaten me with violence.
13 Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
while I am here in the land of the living.
14 Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
We can see from this psalm, that even King David had to keep himself free from the fear of abandonment. This is something that is very common to all men. Many times it is never recognised because it involves so many different aspects of our lives. Both emotionally, physically and socially. There are many different causes and roots, and it would take to long to begin to discuss the experiences from childhood, the hurts, disappointments and traumas that open the door to this kind of fear. It is so often masked and inter woven deep into our personalities and sicknesses that it can be difficult to identify. It never stands alone. If it did we would be able to easily identify it. But it is so subtle and deceptive, making it seem something that it isn't.
I do however want to point out some common symptoms of the Fear of Abandonment, to help you identify some of the effects of it working in our lives.
Panic Attacks
Distress at even the thought of being separated from loved ones
Refusing or difficulty to leave the house without a loved one or being home alone
Physical issues, like stomach ache, headaches, pains etc.
Unstable relationships
Distorted or poor self-image
Extreme Impulsiveness or obsessions
Mood swings
Nervousness
Overly sensitive to criticism
Difficulty trusting others
Difficulty making and keeping friends
Taking extreme measures to avoid rejection or separation
Getting attached to people too quickly then moving away just as quickly
Working too hard to please other people
Blaming yourself when things don't work out
Overthinking, worry and dread - even before a situation arises
As you can see, these symptoms are both serious and concerning, but please take note that most of these issues are very deeply intertwined with many sicknesses and disorders. In other words, this Spirit of Fear, partners with other things such as physical or mental illness.
Deception is the main weapon of the enemy of our souls. He does not come against us in a direct obvious way but in many little things disguised. For example, if an ugly fearful looking figure came to your door saying "Let me come in, so I can steal from you, kill you and destroy you". Most of us would slam the door and run. But this is not how Fear works, rather it comes with suggestions, and can be explained as
F - False
E - Evidence
A - Appearing
R - Real
The ultimate reason or assignment of Fear of Abandonment is to keep us from entering into the joy of salvation, by keeping us from receiving complete acceptance through Jesus Christ. Because in the midst of this fear of being abandoned, we actually become victims of abandonment, rejection and loneliness. It's whole purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. This fear holds us captive, behind walls and barriers which we have allowed or erected, because we have convinced ourselves that we need to protect ourselves from the pain of rejection or abandonment. BUT, in doing so, we are closing and pushing everyone out - including the Holy Spirit. Not realising it is only the Holy Spirit who can reveal the love and grace of our Heavenly Father that we need to set us free. So our lives are thrown into a vicious circle. We long for the joy of God's presence, and his perfect love but we cannot receive it. Our security and protection must come from Father God alone, before any man or woman or ourselves.
He alone is our refuge and strength, He alone is our Rock.
Psalm 28 v 7
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.
Psalm 18 v 2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.
When we look for acceptance and security from any other source than our Heavenly Father, we are closing ourselves away from the only real help.
Job recognised this truth "The thing I feared most, came upon me". Just like the blessings of the Lord is always chasing us down - so the Spirit of Fear is always seeking to chase us down - WHICH ONE WILL YOU ALLOW IN YOUR LIFE?
In the twistedness of that fear, it desires to keep you in a constant web of self defence. (DE - FENCE - keeping a Fence up around your heart) Which is no defence at all.
Fear is the absence of faith - so this makes it a very serious issue. For many people it can remain hidden and disguised for years. It continually points attention and blame from itself unto others and experiences. But until it is confronted for what it really is it will continue to control and deceive.
To receive from God the Father, we must understand it is by his Grace, by Jesus Christ alone, through faith. We must believe God's promises in our heart over everything else, regardless of what we think or feel.
Faith does not require a feeling - BUT it does require TRUTH. Therefore we must be willing to deny our feelings and say "I have listened, been controlled and manipulated by my feelings to long - I choose to put my full faith and trust in God's promises - because HE IS TRUTH, HE CANNOT LIE".
Hebrews 6:18
so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us.
You might be saying "Audrey, that is easier said than done". And I can answer you be saying Yes I understand. I have experienced many times of being overwhelmed by my own feelings of fear and doubt.
But one day I was reading the bible about God is not a man that he can lie. And this thought hit me "Have I been calling God a liar?"
I realised, that I had allowed feelings of doubt and fear to control my actions, instead of choosing to trust God. I was now overwhelmed by a different kind of fear or CONSCIOUNESS - One of Rejecting God. This fear was not a paralysing fear but one that lifted me up, to see more clearly. It was light instead of darkness. I was gripped with this thought "I dare not call my God a liar". I repented of my doubt and fear and asked his Holy Spirit to help me. I wanted to understand his word more deeply, not in my head but in my heart.
I made a conscious decision that day "From now on - I will say to my feelings - you are a liar. I am not influenced by you any more, instead I am inspired by the Word of God. He is my comfort, my help and my refuge."
PSALM 91. v 2
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
It was the beginning of a newfound strength. I began to change, slowly but definitely. There have been many occasions to doubt and be fearful, but I have kept to this simple yet very solid and profound TRUTH - MY GOD CANNOT LIE.
When I am tempted to doubt or fear, I ask myself "Are you willing to call God a liar?" and this quickly helps me keep on track.
The devil is a liar and the father of lies, but Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.
Yes, fear is very powerful, very subtle and very deceptive - IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE TRUTH. But when you tell it to shut up, and you choose to listen to the Holy Spirit - it must flee from you.
James 4 v 7
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Submit yourself to God, by listening to him, believing him, and then resist the devil which includes fear and doubt and he will flee from you.
It is worthless trying to resist or ignore fear - but instead run to God - submit - to him, by throwing yourself into his truth and grace then you will be able to resist and that fear will have no other option than to flee from you.
Just like light always drives out darkness. Dark is dark - fear is fear - but TRUTH is light - even a little light - like a candle can destroy the darkness. Think about a dimmer switch - it starts of soft but keep turning it and it gets brighter and brighter. So the Truth of God's love and grace in our hearts, it may be very dim to begin with but as we grow and learn more it will grow brighter and brighter, until the darkness is gone.
CAN IT BE SO SIMPLE?
Yes, it is a simple and straightforward principle but it is not so easy to put into practice, if you have been conditioned to react to fear. It is like a habit - it takes some conscious effort and decisive choices to make a change. But like any other habit it can be changed. You can create a new habit, little by little and day by day.
Remember - When you are living in fear, you are being helped and influenced along the way, by the enemy and his agents BUT when you chose to put your faith in God and in his Son Jesus, He will be helping and inspiring you along the way by his Holy Spirit, his love, his grace and even his angels. When God sends the right people into your life, you won't push them away, but as you learn to receive God's perfect acceptance and love, you will be able to finally love and accept yourself, and who God created you to be and then you will be able to accept others. This is true freedom and liberty, knowing who your God is and realising and accepting who you are in him and being able to accept others for who they are.
We don't know everything, we don't have all the answers - BUT this one thing we can be sure of GOD CANNOT LIE!
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